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Dear Mommy…

May 14, 2017

I cried and I prayed, I prayed and I cried. I felt numb for a number of minutes, then the rush of emotions hit me and took my breath away. The selfishness of being your daughter wants you here with me. Even in seeing you suffer and fight for 6 years, I just wasn’t ready. I struggled with knowing that you were approved to move here the very week you left us. I wrestled with giving up my life as I knew it and move just to be closer to you. I pondered taking another job so that I could afford to see you more often. 

Can I be honest? It was seeing you fight through everything that came at you that gave me the strength to fight through everything that was coming at me. Nothing seemed too hard because I was going to do what was necessary to make sure you knew I was there. When you left, I felt as if all my strength was gone. 

And then I remembered when I asked you a long time ago why it seemed as if you pulled back when I needed you. You made me some pancakes, sat me down and said “Shanah, you gone be alright…I’ll never have to worry about you”. That frustrated and slightly angered me initially because I honestly thought it was a cop out, but you were right Mommy. You have taught me so much, and though I drew my strength from your fight, ultimately I know Who my strength comes from.
So to the most beautiful, knowledgeable, generous, loving, God-fearing, well-dressed, sassy, resourceful and strong woman I know…My Superwoman…The Original Diva…Strawberry…I miss and love you more than mere words could ever express. Thank you for giving me the most beautiful gift I could ever receive on a day like today, the gift of being the daughter to the best mother ever…your legacy of strength will forever live on!!!

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