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I Am NOT My Past

April 18, 2016

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I don’t quite remember the details of it happening when I was 4. I just remember not wanting to go to the bathroom by myself anymore. By the time I turned 7, it happened again. Once was by a female, and another by my “best friend’s” older brother. To this day, I can still smell his sweat and hear his grunts. That changed me. I stopped going outside to play. I became angry. I was already insecure, but then I became despondent. Somehow I “survived” sexual abuse/assault until after I had my own child, and it happened again. I knew him, or so I thought. We were active before, but agreed to stop because of the strain on our relationship…or so I thought. This time I woke up in a hotel room hurting really bad, blood flowing and very disoriented. Because I consented before, I knew nobody would believe me…he told me so. I couldn’t even wrap my mind around why he would do this me. After the crying, kicking and screaming, he put me out and made me walk home. I didn’t even know where I was initially, but realized that wasn’t too far from apartment. I took a shower and scrubbed myself raw. I tried calling the next day, but his number had changed. Unfortunately, this experience resulted in me making a very hard decision as I ended up pregnant. I didn’t have the mental or emotional capacity to handle another child (Joi was only 2) especially under these circumstances. I carried around the guilt, the shame and the embarrassment for years; but it was through this extreme brokenness that I ran to God and I was no longer the same. In observing Sexual Assault Awareness Month, I encourage you to tell your story. Because the very person that may need to be freed from your words is you!

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From → Motivational

One Comment
  1. Reblogged this on ranibu.

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