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Love Made Me A Believer!!! (originally written 12/22/12)

December 28, 2012

Amor Vincit Omnia!

L’amour conquiert tous les!

Liebe besiegt alles!

Liefde overwint alles!

El amor lo conquista todo!

Love

No matter which language it’s written in, it all means the same: LOVE CONQUERS ALL! It’s amazing. Growing up, I didn’t believe that love truly existed. I grew up with an inherited, twisted view on what love really was. Witnessing my grandparents fight physically and verbally pretty often, THAT was considered love. Oddly enough, when I think about it, I don’t recall them uttering the words “I love you” to one another. As I got older, love took on the faces and shapes of my molesters and abusers; hearing “I love you” right before I was touched, groped, kissed, felt up, etc. Eventually, my immature mind began to associate love with these disgusting acts. By the time I was ready to really experience what love was my psyche was so warped that I either ran to or ran away from “love”; it was one extreme or the other. It didn’t help that I was exposed to abuse on every level (physical, mental, emotional, verbal, sexual and spiritual).

Yes, I’ve had my share of boyfriends; even been engaged twice (3 times if you count the time I didn’t receive a ring…that’s ANOTHER story). My last fiancé would always tell me he loved me after he hit me, yelled at me, cussed at me or withheld affection from me (all types of abuse). I was sadly mistaken when I felt like I could love him past the obvious pain he was in. It took me becoming numb to walk away to realize that what I was in was not love. Not even a little bit. I used to beat myself up over it because I knew better. I went down that road before and knew how to walk away, but I was convinced that authentic and true love was suppose to stay and stick it our. Hmph! That day I snapped out of it, this is what I discovered: LOVE CONQUERS ALL!!! You might be thinking “How can she say that when she walked away?” Well, the love that conquered all is the love that I possess for myself. I always went around preaching and teaching about how much God loves us, but didn’t believe it for myself. I always went around encouraging and inspiring others to love themselves, but didn’t truly love what I saw every day when I looked in the mirror. I thought the damage could not be undone; yet a miracle took place anyhow. The miracle of self-love when everything and everybody was against me. I was always told that I was too ugly, too black, too fat, and too dumb and too everything else to have someone love me (different blog). Boy were the naysayers wrong!!! Not only do I love myself (fully and completely), but God allowed me to give birth and experience unconditional love as well.

I now know what love is suppose to look like, smell like, taste like, feel like and sound like. I know what love is and what love is not. I know how to give love and how to receive love. I recognize when love is authentic and when love is fake. I am amazed at how someone’s whose heart was so crushed that all that was left was a pool of blood, was ever capable of loving again. It’s a wonderful feeling and it’s real! I’m grateful that God has opened up my eyes, ears and heart to love, because truly the world needs it. Unconditional love. There is a disclaimer that comes along with this love thing though: it’s humanly impossible to love others if you first don’t love yourself though. Loving myself assisted in my rise from the pits of self-destruction, depression, perceived inadequacies and sever low self-esteem. Oooooooh weeeee…I love me some me!!! Ever since that rebirth, I have been living FLY (First Love Yourself). That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! *smile* So, does love conquer all? YES! And I’m surely a believer!!!

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