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Looking Back to See How Far I’ve Come…

December 12, 2012

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It was just this time last year that I found myself facing a heart-wrenching decision concerning my mother. She had been diagnosed with having had a stroke the year before and overnight it seemed as if her condition worsened to the point that it was suggested that I begin making funeral arrangements. In order to keep my daughter, her only grandchild, from becoming frantic and overwhelmed, I approached the situation with a very calm demeanor (even shocked myself at some moments). It was this particular situation that I would need to draw strength from throughout the next year.

The year started off GREAT, or so it seems. My mother’s health improved significantly to the point where she was removed from the hospital and moved into a nursing home. I was initially excited because this move represented a certain type of freedom for my mom, until I visited the facility for myself. Not only was it in a less than desirable neighborhood, but the staff seemed to literally have been “sitting down on the job” while patients were scrambling all over the place. When I finally made it to my mother’s room, she was knocked out sleep and appeared to be overmedicated. This was Mother’s Day 2012 and I made the day trip JUST to see her on that day. We kept trying to wake my mom up to no avail, so we drove a few streets over and found a Pizza Hut to have “Mother’s Day dinner”. When we got back, my mom was wide awake and ecstatic to see us. We gave her the gifts we brought for her, laughed, took pictures, sang a few songs, prayed, hugged and we left. And as soon as I got to the car, shut the door and turned the ignition, the tears began to flow. They flowed so heavily that I couldn’t tell if it was raining outside or if my contacts were blurred by the tears. Either way, I let them go until they were all out and gone enough for me to make the 6 hour trip back to my home.

From that point on, it was an intense roller coaster ride with my Mom. She went from being in a nursing home, to being in the ICU, to back to the nursing home, to back to ICU, to back to the nursing home, to now in the ER, and so forth and so on. Thankfully my Mom has been on the mend despite her setbacks and I enjoy talking to her when she’s not asleep or being cared for. It’s funny how as soon as she started feeling better all hell literally broke loose in my life. My finances took a triple hit. My physical body took two devastating blows. I had to withdraw from a class during my first semester in seminary because of the pain and medication. Blow after blow, I kept taking lickings and was still ticking. I finally broken down and cried, but couldn’t stop. It was at the point when I thought that I was on the verge of just giving up that my mind went back to Mother’s Day when I was sitting in my car crying my heart and my eyes out. I was crying for a woman that could no longer care for herself, walk around outside, go shopping, take her only grandchild to the park, drive to the beach or even wash her hair. Then it dawned on me that I was crying for a woman that beat every odd the enemy set up against her. I was crying for a woman that spoke with such joy, determination and strength that even the doctors were compelled to fight for her life. I was crying for a woman that had the prettiest smile and the sweetest disposition. Wait…why was I crying again???

I literally felt like the wind was knocked out of me, though it forced me to take a look back over the past year and see how far I’ve come. Literally everything that seemed to have burdened me over the few months that they occurred turned out to be the biggest blessings. Having a pity party was not an option and wallowing in self-pity wasn’t part of my character. Success was the only option and staying in a life-less and hopeless place was a recipe for disaster. I’ve been here before. And I think deep down inside, knowing that I’ve been here before I didn’t want to experience it again. At any rate, it happened, it’s over and it’s time for me to use this as fuel to step fully into my purpose. There is still work to be done and there are going to be many trials that I have to go through. I believe that every stumbling block can be turned into a stepping stone, every obstacle turned into an opportunity, every mess can become a message and surely every test can (AND WILL) become an awesome testimony. It may sound like a cliché, but it is what I have lived, can attest to and know without a shadow of a doubt.

So, I’m looking back to see how far I’ve come so that I can faithfully, confidently and securely launch out do what I was called to do. Allow this to serve as the introduction to:

RaNiBu Incorporated
Motivational Speaker * Inspirational Writer * Business Consultant
RNB: Flow with the rhythm of life!

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